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July 3rd, 2006

11:37 am

just figured I'd update.

new LJ

Current Mood: relaxedrelaxed
Current Music: SR-71: My World

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November 23rd, 2004

11:17 pm - A LITTLE HELP?!?!
okay, i know this is completley out of the blue...but I need help here...
there is this one fan fiction...a harry potter fan fiction...with Ron and Harry, and Ron is an artist...and...Harry finds this crumpled up painting Ron did of him in the trash...and he wants Ron to paint a self portrait..
I know I'm being REALLY vague on the details...but I want to read it so bad. It was SO well written...

If anyone knows what I'm talking about PLEASE TELL MEEEE!! I must read it again before i go insane!


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September 20th, 2004

09:02 pm - 0.0
Just letting people know that I haven't vanished. I'm checking up on everyone...who knows? I may even leave a few comments

Not coming back anytime soon...

~dUCky $@/\/\@~
Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: Apoptygma Berzerk-Suffer in Silence

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June 15th, 2004

02:07 pm - Leaving
Hi people
I just wanted to say I'm leaving LiveJournal.. I'm going to leave up my old posts and stuff..but I'm just getting fed up with a lot of stuff on here. I'll probably come back every now and then to comment and stuff...but until then, you can either visit my Xanga..(which you will have to ask me about first) or IM me if you really want to talk. its not like anyone really cares, BUUUT... yeah. Don't expect any more posts on here from me.

~'*'~dUCky $@/\/\@~'*'~
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets

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April 5th, 2004

04:07 pm - ;.;
Current Art Obsession:still Hellsing
Current Musical Obsession:Nirvana and The Stranglers

Today is Kurt Cobain's 10 year death date..

why do all the good musicians have to die??

~'*'~dUCky $@/\/\@~'*'~
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: Nirvana-Heart Shaped Box

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December 6th, 2003

03:46 pm - Moo
I changed this journal to friends only. If you feel the need to be added just let me know and I will add you. Thank you
~dUCky $@/\/\@~
Current Mood: cynicalcynical
Current Music: Malice Mizer-au revoir

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November 13th, 2003

08:05 pm - STUPID PEOPLES!
Guy 1: Hey, that chicks kinda hot! *points to a picture of Tetsu*
Me:*sigh* Look, thats a GUY!
me: YES!!!!!
guy 2: WHAAAA..??
me: lookie!! *shoves booklet in their face*
guy 3: *talks to Bre* Are we the only normal ones?
Guy 4: I wanna see!!!!
*so far me and Alexa and Christina are the ONLY ones not freaked out*
Guy 4: EW!! THAT GUY HAS A WHIP!!!*points to Kami*
*everyone in the class scrambles to look at the pictures and one girl is so freaked out she scoots her desk away from me*
me: *laughs insanely*

*blank stare*

I like toes...*nibble*

~'*'~dUCky $@/\/\@~'*'~
Current Mood: busybusy
Current Music: Linkin Park-"Numb"

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November 7th, 2003

08:50 pm - dammit
Life has been a whole big tangled web for me the past few days. I’ve been thinking so much about the things that don’t even matter, and I’ve also been thinking about the big things as well. I’m not what you would consider depressed right now, its more like…manic. I’m fairly happy when I’m around my friends and when I’m doing anything that relates to computers or anime, but I’ve just had a rough couple of days this week. The other night I broke down sobbing. It was the first time I cried in several months. There have been times when I wanted to cry but I just couldn’t and I haven’t had that feeling since the end of 9th grade last year. I was literally curled up on my bed bawling. Everyone kept asking me what was wrong but it’s so hard to explain EXACTLY what I’m going through. It doesn’t even make sense to me. The topic of what you call “love” has been on my mind more than usual lately. I feel so cold towards the emotion sometimes, yet some days I am just so full of love, it literally makes me ache. Yes I mean love, not “wuv” or “luv” or “l0v3”… REAL, full blown love. It’s really confusing. One second I am spitting in the general direction of it, the next I am feeling the need to go around giving hugs to everyone. And yes, there ARE people I want to run up to and cling onto and say “I LOVE YOU” to them over and over until they pry me from them. I don’t know what love has to offer me anymore. Yet I’m saying this when me and Sean’s one YEAR anniversary passed just a few days ago, and I am also saying that right after I mentioned clinging onto a few select people and saying iloveyouiloveyou over and over…. I was talking to Sean on the phone last night and he said “you know, you don’t have to stay with me if you don’t want to”. I felt like someone had just punched me in my stomach. I didn’t know how to respond. I don’t know what love means to me anymore, yet I don’t want to lose someone so close to me. If he stays with me though, what good is it to have someone so against love, yet says “I Love You” every couple of minutes to him? I contradict myself so much, and I know that. (Bear with me…)
I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want him to end up in institutions the rest of his life. Despite my dislike of love, I still care for him immensely, and I am not going to end this relationship anytime soon just because of me being a stupid little angstenchilde. Hmmm.. its so weird having an emotion exist that can make you feel all warm and happy and then it suddenly drops you into a tank of ice water filled with razors. I guess no one can go a day without emotional pain, huh? I live it everyday. I’m contradicting myself again, but here goes. I am one of those people that NEEDS love to function, yet I am despising it, but dealing with it too. Ah fuck this… I’m too confusing for anyone to understand…I’m going now

~’*’~dUCky $@/\/\@~’*’~
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: "Weak and Powerless" by A Perfect Circle

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October 26th, 2003

10:23 am - ♥ ?
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I think the phrase " I LOVE YOU" is the most over used phrase today. I love people, and most of them love me back,and I'm going to kind of contradict myself when I say that I luv a few people who are famous (*cough* DAVEYJADE*cough*) but hey, don't we all have our little celebrity luvers??? heh..I'm going to go back and forth on this issue, so just bear with me, I never make any sense. I went to the fair a few days ago. Cat friend took her new boyfriend Jimmy along too...I felt kind of rejected, so they kept saying that they luved me,and each time i heard the word "luv" it made me realize how many people overuse the phrase "I Love You" today. Everyone keeps telling people that "love" isnt a word to take lightly,and to use it only if you actually truly love the person. But people go around saying "I LOVE YOU!" to people they hardly even know. I can safely say that I love Sean and he loves me back, and i luv my friends, but people go and pronounce full blown "LOVE" to people who don't even exist sometimes, and i think its really idiotic for people to abuse such a powerful word to the point where it dosent even MEAN anything anymore. *sigh* Love and luv are 2 different things though. Luv is more of a casual friend love thing, like i luv Cat Friend and all of my other friends (guys and girls) and love is what you say when you beleive you truley cannot spend your life with anyone else,and your significant other will stay with you through hell and high water because your feelings are that strong. You may notice i have said the word "LOVE" too many times in my past entries, and i am going to keep it like that. MARVEL ON HOW STUPID DUCKY WAS WAY BACK WHEN!!

Oy, I'm not making any sense. I may delete this entry a little later *shrugs* bye for now

~'*'~ dUCky $@/\/\@ ~'*'~
Current Mood: artisticartistic
Current Music: Nick Drake "Pink Moon"

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July 29th, 2003

09:28 am - My Ears Are Ringing
Oh My GOD!!! Warped Tour was so fucking AWESOME!!! We got there like 2 hours early (we meaning me,Cat,and Dan) so we were waiting and scanning the crowd for all different colors of hair,and me and Cat were squealing because we were so excited that we were actually there! So we went and saw Vendetta Red first. THey were so awesome. Loud and screamy. ^_^ I forget which order we saw people,but we saw Rancid,Less than Jake,Simple Plan (who came in AFI's time slot because Davey had to go to the hospital breifly or something...*shrug*),Dropkick Murphys,The Ataris,Glassjaw,Andrew WK(that was actually REALLLY fun!!!)and AFI. Simple Plan usually SUCKS (in my opinion) but they played a Bad Religion song and got a fuckin MOSH PIT going,and told everyone to stick up their middle finger and scream FUCKKK YOOOUUU!!!!!! REALLY LOUD! It was so awesome. And i was being pushed around and shit. GOOD times.... and then Pierre (or whats his name) started throwing water out into the audience and said "Oh no! It LOOks like GUiness but its just water!" Heheheh...SUUUURE it wasnt Guiness ;) I didn't get to see Mest because Cat and Dan were too busy laying in the shade and Cat kept saying "Oh they'll come to this club anyway" (not that I'm dissing you Cat,or Dan! I luv y'all!!) So i went and looked at the skateboarders and went to the "Girlz Garage" and got a pin and signed up on their mailing list.Less than Jake was cool because one of the guys said "Oh yeah he had something to tell you but he forgot it!" "Was I supposed to say something?" "THATS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU SMOKE TOO MUCH REEFER!!" haha...Dropkick Murphys was cool because the people in the mosh pit were really enthusiastic. All the fans for all the acts were enthusiastic, but I didn't see any FLAGS with band names on them during any other set. Yes...a GREEN, DROPKICK MURPHYS FLAG! it was so wicked.they pulled people up onstage to sing with them(andrew WK did that too) but the ataris actually pulled someone up onstage and asked them to play guitar for one of their songs!! (We didnt get to see them that long because we were distracted).At the times when we weren't jumping around and getting sunburnt(well I didnt get sunburnt,i just got a little color on my face,and i got a tan! OMFG!!! NO!!! LoL) we went to the venders and got stuff. I got 2 new shirts(one is an AFI tour date shirt and the other is a baby doll tee that says "Vans Warped Tour '03" with pink checkered flags around it.) Normally i dont wear anything that has a whole lot of pink,but its a black shirt,i guess that makes up for it. THen we went to Level 27's booth and this guy was wearing a shirt that said "kidneytheives" on it, and I said "Oh my GOd! the kidneytheives! They kick ASS!!" and hes like "Yeah they DO kick ass,and if you like them,you should listen to this" So i listened to the CD (Cyanotic) and I loved it so i bought that as well as a Level 27 wrist cuff. *pets wrist cuff* Yesh. At one point during the shows I was suffering from the heat,and i bitched about needing water,so this one woman said "Pick up that cup and go ask that guy over there for some water" so i got some and she shared her shade with me (She was carrying an umbrella). I decided to make small talk and asked who she had seen that day,and she said she was only there to see AFI, and I was basically there to see AFI so i said i was too. And we got into a whole discussion about that,and she pulled out these pictures from her bag (a coffin back pack!!! aaahh!!!!) and they were pictures of her daughter with Davey and Jade!!! (separate piccys tho...hehe) and I started flipping out!!! :) So....after Rancid put on an awesome show, everyone went to go see The Used,and me and Cat and Dan held our spots in the pit for when AFI came on. And when they finally did,everyone charged to the pit.OH MY GOD!! I GOT TO SEE DAVEY HAVOK WEARING HIS TIGHT SHINY PANTS!!!!!!! TIGHT!SHINY!!PANTS!!!*DIES 50 times* and i could see the tips of his AWESOME angel wings tattoos when he stood up on the drumrisers with his back to the audience.....*giggles insanely* THe only bad thing was,i was getting suffocated. And this one dude was crowd surfing and his foot smacked me on the side of the face and pushed me down onto the ground almost,and i couldn't breathe. SO i pushed my way to the back where I could breathe and still see AFI. Someone threw something at Davey and hit him and he fell over,and I was thinking "Holy Crap!what just happened??Was that supposed to happen?" and when he finally got up he said "i wish GREAT things for the person who just threw that" and then they started singing another song. HE LOOKED SO HOT! And Jade looked awesome too ^_____^ Oh my God i was singing along and I was CRYING when they sang "Girls not Grey" and people were looking at me and were like "Are you okay?" and I was thinking "OKAY!!??I AM MORE THAN OKAY I AM SEEING AFI!!!!!!!! LIVE!!!!! IN PERSON!!!! OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Their set was fairly short,and I wanted it to go on longer, everyone did, but all the sets were like half an hour. But the preformance they did was awesome..and i got to see Davey in tight pants...and I got to see the band preforming LIIIVEE!! AAAIIIEEE!! I couldnt get any good pictures though because the people were shoving me and suffocating me and stuff,so i couldnt get my camera to focus,but i got some good pictures of Simple Plan and Rancid,and also some great random pictures,like my Level 27 sticker on my jeans and silhouettes of people waiting to see Rancid. ^__^ I spent way too much money. Bottled water cost way too much, 4 bucks a pop! ><;;; but we got by. At the end of the day we all went to a gas station to pick up junk food. Normally you don't see 3 spazzed out, sunburnt teenagers walk into a convenience store at 9 o'clock at night. Me and Cat were speaking fairly loud because our ears were ringing. So we got our junk (chips, twinkies, sodas, cookies and stuff) and went to the hotel. We watched some TV and i tried to stay up to see Trigun but i fell asleep at 12, only to wake up at 4:30 the next day by our wake up call. So, by the end of that day, I was kind of sunburnt, i was very hot, I was exhausted, my feet were causing me total agony (standing for 8 hours normally does that to your feet ^^), my ears were ringing very loud and i had suffered from minor heat sickness and dehydration. But it was all part of the package, and it just added to the experiance. IT WAS SOOOO AWESOME!!
~'*'dUCky $@/\/\@~'*'~
Current Mood: giddygiddy
Current Music: My Ears Ringing,and Cyanotic "Static Interpretations"

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